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Healthy relationships for trauma survivors can be tremendous places to heal see: Healthy Relationships Matter More than We Think. Healthy Relationships for Trauma SurvivorsĪ healthy relationship - one based on love, compassion and caring - is one place a trauma survivor can learn positive ways to experience sexual pleasure, desire and consent. This is why trauma survivors often experience disgust, pain, discomfort during sex, or terrifying flashbacks from the past - even when they are safe with someone they choose in the present day. This means fear and negative feelings can become triggered, automatically “hard-wiring” to sexual responses because of past abuse. When something is scary, it triggers the brain’s fight/flight/freeze response - specifically the amygdala, which we can’t consciously control to just be different – we have to feel differently.Īs we know from research, neurons that fire together wire together. Sexual abuse may trigger strong negative emotions linked to sexual desire or behavior for trauma survivors. It is likable, pleasurable or enjoyable.Your brain is saying you want it because it’s your free choice.You have consented to the sexual encounter.Sex is a decision in your brain, something you want of your own free will, and you can enjoy!Ī healthy sexual encounter will include these things: Arousal in no way means that you wanted it or enjoyed it. This is a physiological response that is biologically built-in to your body - not a sign of desire, choice or consent. If your body responded in a sexual manner to sexual abuse, you experienced arousal non-concordance. Unwanted arousal during unwanted sexual contact has nothing to do with choice or healthy desire. Sex is consensual and it’s something that you want! Once you can see the difference between sex and abuse, you can recognize how your healthy desire for intimacy comes from a different universe than the power grab forced on you through an abusive sex act. Knowing about consent is vital to help survivors of sexual abuse view their past experiences with clarity. See this first post in our series to clear up confusion around sex, unwanted arousal and abuse. It’s important to know the difference between sex and abuse. Eliminating Confusion, Clarifying Consent No matter what shame or pain you still endure, you can heal and move forward to find healthy love and sex. No matter what roadblocks or difficulties you may experience, they are not your fault. Survivors have every right to heal and get the help they need to move beyond the trauma of abuse and enjoy healthy sex and relationships. Yet I see an amazing and inspiring desire to heal, also present in survivors of sexual assault and abuse. How do you enjoy healthy sex and intimate relationships if earlier trauma triggers terror or confusion around sex? Their mental, emotional and physical growth must adapt to accommodate repeated terror, isolation, duplicity, and unwanted, unavoidable arousal that their bodies and minds are not yet developed enough to understand.Īnother of the many grave casualties for the trauma survivor is the meaning of consent. Not only do some victims endure violation from those they depend on to survive. Sexual abuse, especially in childhood, is deeply devastating. One of the most tragic outcomes of sexual abuse and assault is the negative impact on the sense of self and how healthy relationships work. According to the Child Maltreatment Report 2010 by the US Department of Health and Human Services, 9.2% of victimized children were sexually assaulted. One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under age 18 will experience sexual abuse or assault by an adult, reports the anti sexual-violence organization, RAINN.Īccurate statistics about child sexual abuse are difficult to determine, because it is not often reported, says the National Center for Victims of Crime. Sexual trauma, abuse and violence impact a surprisingly large number of people - maybe even you or someone you know.
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